Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
