I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
