Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
