did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
