i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
