So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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