Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
