This girl is more easily done than said...
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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