this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
