Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
