Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
