He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
