she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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