Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
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