Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
