Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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