nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
