Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
