my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
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i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
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just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.