i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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