There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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