ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
