they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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