I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
