And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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