You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
