so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
