Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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