If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize