He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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