I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
