last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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