Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
