You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
