If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
