Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
