If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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