Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I intend to get homeless drunk
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize