Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she looked like the before picture.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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