dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
