Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
