Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
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I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
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Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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