I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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