First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
