I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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