im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We have started to decorate penises.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
