So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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