Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
