I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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