i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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