I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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