so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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