you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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