Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
