i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
