My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize