I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
