I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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