If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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