Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Randomize
