i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
