I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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