your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
