Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
