he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
