im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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