ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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