You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
