I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
