Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
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And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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