I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
