then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
