Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Princesses don't give blow jobs
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
