What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
