How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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