I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
dude. I can hear the air.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
