when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I could fuck to npr.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
