i jhust puked up my retainher.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
